tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10269904850256475792024-03-13T10:51:50.307+00:00Geoffrey Munn Appreciation SocietyIt's pronounced "Faberzhe"Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.comBlogger19125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-77868258737852615292015-07-19T11:38:00.001+01:002015-07-19T11:38:53.448+01:00Emma KennedyOnce I was watching television. This was in the days before smartphones and box sets of whatever. There was a lot of channels on cable TV at thus time, but a lot of them were Russian news, pornography or promoting Christianity.<div><br></div><div>I chanced across a TV show about Germany of the 1930s. Nowadays there are practically 24 hour channels dedicated entirely to the salacious exposing of Nazi evils but not so much then.</div><div><br></div><div>Anyway, on this particular show they showed the communists marching singing a jolly song about the evils of capitalism or whatever and then showed the Nazis marching along singing a jolly song about the evils of Jews or whatever.</div><div><br></div><div>To my disgust, I found myself a few days later, humming the nazi tune whilst doing the washing up.</div><div><br></div><div>It was quite catchy, I recall, although I wouldn't be able to sing it for you right now.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm guessing there's probably some people who first got into fascism that way. </div><div><div><br></div><div><br></div></div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-14818977579800656232015-01-22T22:05:00.001+00:002015-01-22T22:05:12.035+00:00Petroleum Will Prevail<div>People who talk at great length about their dreams are notoriusly boring, despite this I have always been jealous of them, as I very rarely recall my dreams. Sometimes I will wake up with a feeling, which I assume to be left over from the dream: anxiety, happiness, disgust or something similar. </div><div><br></div><div>Articles about dream journals advise keeping a notebook by your bed so that you can write down your dreams upon waking when you hopefully will remember everything in great detail. Then you can review your dreams at a later date and look for patterns.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not a person who takes great significance in dreams: they're most often just brain detritus in my opinion. Even detritus can be interesting and useful though, so it shouldn't be written off for that reason alone.</div><div><br></div><div>It's even easier these days with smartphones as you can tap the details of your dreams straight on and you don't even need to turn on the light.</div><div><br></div><div>Last night, I woke up having had a very strange dream. Surprised and delighted I remembered something I resolved to make a note on my phone to remind me in the morning.</div><div><br></div><div>In the morning I completely forgot about this whole episode until I looked at the phone notes & saw the following, created at 4.28am</div><div><br></div><div>Poke him in the whor bot</div><div><br></div><div>Of course I have no recollection of what that meant. I need to write fuller mores in the future. Oddly I do recall when writing it wanting to be very careful in spelling "whor bot". It was very important for reasons I have now forgotten, for it to be spelt like that.</div><div><br></div><div>The whole thing puts me in mind of this:</div><div><br></div><div>William James describea a man who got the experience from laughing-gas; whenever he was under its influence, he knew the secret of the universe, but when he came to, he had forgotten it. At last, with immense effort, he wrote down the secret before the vision had faded. When completely recovered he rushed to see what he had written. It was: 'the smell of petroleum prevails throughout.'</div><div><br></div><div>No laughing gas was involved and I can't smell petrol.</div><div><br></div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-22658251770773389812015-01-17T21:28:00.001+00:002015-01-17T21:28:51.326+00:00If Men Had PeriodsAs we all know, advertising aimed at men is amongst the funniest, especially if you are a man. You might wryly watch an advertisement on the television for something firmly aiming itself at men and smugly laugh to yourself: do they really think we are like this? Then you think: what if we really are like this? Then you think: well they can't be aiming this advert at me, I'm sure I'm not so, for want of a better word, basic. But maybe we are. Or more likely, this is easiest thing to assume. After all, like most things, you have assume the people in power, the people running things, are generally male. Maybe we are all this basic, including me & I've just failed to notice this all of this time*<div><br></div><div>But of course of all kinds of advertising, the best is that aimed at men, advertising something that might be described as girly. Such over compensating!</div><div><br></div><div>Imagine if men got periods. Theyd definately give tampons some stupidly macho name and design.<br><div><br></div><div>* there are so many things I've somehow missed in all my years & am only just discovering. It's quite scary.</div></div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-86783280915232866232014-12-14T12:18:00.001+00:002014-12-14T12:18:58.695+00:00Not so smart<div>When I was about eight years old, a school friend told me this story right where he was having a wee and he somehow knocked a toilet roll into the toilet and got wee on it and his dad came in because he had caused such commotion and his dad was eating an apple and that fell in the toilet and there was wee on the apple and I thought this was the funniest thing I had ever heard.</div><div><br></div><div>Then a short while ago I nearly dropped my phone in the toilet to avoid knocking a toilet roll and a can of air freshener in the toilet. The phone fell on the floor and I was releaved but the floor was wet, not with wee I hasten to ads, and the phone was okay for a short while but then the whole screen went red which was clearly not a good thing and then it wouldn't turn on at all.</div><div><br></div><div>I don't know if it was because I'd dropped it or something else I'd unknowingly done, or if the phone was just faulty but I now did not have a phone. I was able to book myself in at the nearest Apple Store (Brent Cross) Genius Bar (a name that always makes me gringe, and since the phone was not very old I suspected they would just replace it. </div><div><br></div><div>The Masque of the Red Screen took place on Sunday and my Genius Bar Waltz was scheduled for Wednesday evening.</div><div><br></div><div>I had three days without a phone. What would I do?</div><div><br></div><div>Wake up in the morning, what's the time? No idea, I don't have a watch, I use my phone.</div><div><br></div><div>Is my train going to be on time? Hang on, I'll boot up the laptop...</div><div><br></div><div>Shall I listen to some music on the train? Erm... no can do.</div><div><br></div><div>It went on like this. To be honest, the worst part was where I might, given an idle few minutes, browse the Internet aimlessly or whatever, I no longer had the choice.</div><div><br></div><div>I did a lot of reading, which was very pleasing, but I do like when reading in public to have the earphones in to block out and make me concentrate more. This wasn't an option.</div><div><br></div><div>And when I went to Brent Cross I didn't know if there were bus issues, couldn't listen to music or browse the Internet on the way there.</div><div><br></div><div>(the bus to Brent Cross is one of those terrible tiny local bus things that literally goes round the houses to get there)</div><div><br></div><div>And when I got there I had no idea what the time was so I had no idea when I was due to meet my Genius.</div><div><br></div><div>As predicted as I was within warranty I got a new phone and all was well with the world again.</div><div><br></div><div>The only plus point is that I'm too old to be a digital native. The thought of being one of them and without a phone terrifies me.</div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-9606109334485368322014-09-25T20:04:00.001+01:002014-09-25T20:04:08.700+01:00Stick Them Up "Punks" It's The Antiques RoadshowAs you may or may not know, the Antiques Roadshow is filmed all over the country. This is no good to me, as I live in the South East, specifically the outskirts of London and therefore I have a misguided assumption that everything interesting should happen near me.<div><br></div><div>So when I heard that the "Roadshow" was coming to the mighty Walthamstow aka E17 and the visit coincided with my birthday, well the weekend afterwards, I thought, well I have to go. It would be RUDE not to.</div><div><br></div><div>So I did.</div><div><br></div><div>I didn't take any antiques with me, mainly because I don't have any. I pondered the possibility of asking around, seeing if anyone had anything they wanted me to take, but common sense prevailed and I didn't bother.</div><div><br></div><div>Joining the queue slightly back from a man in a Swans t-shirt and massive ginger beard made my thoughts alternate between "gosh the audience has changed" to "blooming hipsters innit" at the drop of a hat.</div><div><br></div><div>After realising that we didn't have to queue as we hadn't bought anything we were allowed to join the revelling antique fans, and mill freely. Here are some highlights (and lowlights)</div><div><br></div><div>1. A man serving coffee out of the back of a can. He had a wide stance.</div><div><br></div><div>2. When it is shown on telly, you may see me, awkwardly laughing as a funeral urn is inspected.</div><div><br></div><div>3. No Munn.</div><div><br></div><div>4. The queues man! You should have seen them! I was so glad I didn't bring anything to be appraised.</div><div><br></div><div>5. They do the valuation twice, if your stuff looks good they bring the cameras over.</div><div><br></div><div>6. Fiona Bruce did a bit to camera where I'm in the crowd. I muttered in a disdainful manner, "that looks like an antique biscuit" only to be absolutely correct.</div><div><br></div><div>7. You can't buy a commerative paperweight. </div><div><br></div><div>8. Walthamstow town hall is an amazing looking place.</div><div><br></div><div>9. A lot of people bring paintings. Or is it just that paintings are easily recognised.</div><div><br></div><div>10. The kind of people you see wandering around are EXACTLY as you might imagine— although the Swans t-shirt was unexpected.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-75288504947210029362014-08-16T20:11:00.002+01:002014-08-16T20:11:44.960+01:00Extract From A Work In Progress<h3>
"So many things in the modern world have secret, hidden meanings," he said.</h3>
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"Like what?" I said. I could accept some of what he was saying, true, but some of this stuff seemed to fantastic to be true.</div>
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"Roundabouts," he said. "They are almost without exception built on sites of long-established evil. The roundabout was always there, long before it was actually built."</div>
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I decided to show off some of my local knowledge at this point: "I know the first roundabout in Britain was built in <a href="http://www.letchworthgc.com/first_garden_city/uks_first_roundabout">Letchworth Garden City</a>."</div>
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"Very true," he said. "This is why I avoid going there. Very ancient things lurk there. Things not to be invoked."</div>
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"What do you make Milton Keynes?" I asked. "Lots of roundabouts there. Including, if memory serves, a 'magic' one."</div>
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"Oh you must never go to Milton Keynes!" he said.</div>
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I was shocked at his vehemence: "Because of the ancient evils that lurk there now manifesting themselves as roundabouts?"</div>
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"No," he replied. "It's just really fucking boring there."</div>
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Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-6898664408086340522014-01-29T19:41:00.001+00:002014-01-29T19:41:10.741+00:00Triple ActionApparently William S Burroughs used to keep a notebook where the pages were divided into three.<div><br></div><div>1. What you are seeing/hearing</div><div>2. What you are thinking</div><div>3. What you are reading</div><div><br></div><div>I like this idea, although it sounds very tricky in theory. Must give it a go.</div><div><br></div><div>On the other hand Buckminster supposedly wore three wristwatches* which were set to the following times:</div><div><br></div><div>1. Where you started from</div><div>2. Where you are going </div><div>3. The time at home </div><div><br></div><div>It's hard to believe anyone in this day and age was bother with writing right across a notebook page or having one watch in, like some kind of LOSER.</div><div><br></div><div>* I do like the term "wristwatch". It sounds so overdone. Like saying "omnibus" for "bus" and so on.</div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-18458442715367391552013-08-10T17:31:00.002+01:002013-08-10T17:32:16.120+01:00Thick of ItSearching through my folders, I discovered a graph I did ages ago showing, for some reason, the age of the actor playing "Doctor Who"* since the show started. The other chart I did at the same time showing the difference in age between Terry Wogan and his female Children in Need co-presenter remains lost to the ages.<br />
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So I did what anyone would do. I updated it. It has a rather pleasing symmetry to it now, I'm sure you'll agree. (click to make larger, natch)<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2a6mvKbSAme-658D3TTlVoMYsaP66ZtUEdckJueFo9QKaSZvEjCpxAvNNV_StUUeCVAIqPaXuxL2HhnvILaq5S_AaaHKKiN1oGtVfZ0huASI9oBtyR7CpsodvzKIxlHcmuz5JR3Rx276l/s1600/doctorwho.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh2a6mvKbSAme-658D3TTlVoMYsaP66ZtUEdckJueFo9QKaSZvEjCpxAvNNV_StUUeCVAIqPaXuxL2HhnvILaq5S_AaaHKKiN1oGtVfZ0huASI9oBtyR7CpsodvzKIxlHcmuz5JR3Rx276l/s400/doctorwho.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Bit late, if I'd done this I could have been famous with this. Well internet famous. Well probably not even that, truth be told, but there you go.<br />
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* Yeah, yeah I know.Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-50670727198713362962013-06-01T18:19:00.000+01:002013-06-01T18:19:00.346+01:00ThatcherI was just reading David Runciman's review of Charles Moore's biography of Margaret Thatcher (there's a sentence with what feels like too much punctuation for its own good) in the London Review of Books.*<br />
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Apparently Thatcher didn't like the Jews very much until she became the MP for Finchley and then she found out she actually rather liked them.<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, Palatino, 'Palatino Linotype', serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.984375px;">The mild, unthinking anti-semitism of her early letters – she complained to Muriel of the ‘“tatty” tourists: Jews and novo [sic] riche’ she encountered in Madeira on her honeymoon – gave way to a strong admiration for her Jewish constituents, among whom she found many of the values she herself cherished. ‘My, they were good citizens,’ she later remarked, seeing Jews as ‘natural traders’ who managed ‘positively to get on by their own efforts’. </span></blockquote>
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This is clearly a possible solution for all kinds of prejudice which should be investigated by some kind of government agency. Are the politically correct brigade busy at the moment?<br />
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Or at the very least another idea for a documentary to add to the every increasing and teetering pile.<br />
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<i>* the actual print version, mind, although it's available to read in full <a href="http://www.lrb.co.uk/v35/n11/david-runciman/rat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat-a-tat">here</a>.</i>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-65491876775234618462013-03-16T14:49:00.004+00:002013-03-16T14:49:55.950+00:00Voicemail<br />
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I do not like voicemail. It all seems to me a colossal waste of time. I'm not <a href="http://bits.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/10/etiquette-redefined-in-the-digital-age/">quite as bad as this person</a>, but it's only a matter of time I feel.</div>
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My phone is on all the time. If someone rings me when I'm busy, or at work (of course I'm always busy when I'm at work this goes without saying etc etc) then I will get a missed call alert.</div>
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If I know the person, their number will be stored in my phone & I can call them back at the earliest opportunity.</div>
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If I don't know the number, then I won't answer, unless I'm expecting a call, because let's be honest, an unsolicited call is rarely going to be, well, solicited.</div>
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When I was job hunting, the recruitment agencies would call, it would go to voicemail & then they would leave a message*. Usually these messages were along the lines of "This is XXXX from XXXX, please call me back when you get the chance". </div>
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My parents leave me long rambling voicemails which I never listen to, just call them back at the next opportunity. This works fine for me.</div>
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That covers my personal calls, but, as always, work is a whole different story. Generally speaking the person calling should know my email, or ring a group number, or someone else will pick up the phone. Inevitably the ones who manage not to tend to be the ones leaving an incomprehensible message, outside, near a loudspeaker, possibly with a thick accent. To add insult to injury the people who leave voicemail never have straightforward queries & always insist on describing them in full to the machine rather than insist I call back at the next opportunity, which is exceptionally annoying. I'd set up a voicemail message saying, "my email is this, just send it there or call back later" if I were allowed. Unsurprisingly, I'm not.</div>
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I also hate leaving voicemail messages. I never ever bother with personal calls, but I'm supposed to at work to prove I called. For these I always try & be as succinct as possible, as above. I can't bear listening to my voice so I don't listen to the playback.</div>
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Doing this though, does make me wonder what the point is. I'm increasingly of the opinion that the best approach is: Don't bother with it people, there's much better ways to get in touch. Proof, were it needed, there's a little wiggly red line under every appearance above of the word "voicemail". </div>
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<i>* This could be a problem if their number came up as "unknown" on the phone & then I was out & about & they told me the number & I didn't have a pen, but that was my fault. Also, they'd often email me too which made my life easier & I could just take the number directly from the email.</i></div>
Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-74026526039015410942012-11-14T08:59:00.001+00:002012-11-14T08:59:54.791+00:00NewsBack in the heady days of 1997, my parents got cable TV. Satellite having previously been resisted, presumably due to a combination of giving money to the sinister Murdoch-helmed empire and having a massive dish on the front the house.<br />
<br />
Back in those days we didn't have the same number of compelling channels we do today. I think there were 60 or so, and a large number of those were foreign news channels. I recall particularly a Russian one. There was also, although this didn't last very long (I assume they were too expensive), CNN.<br />
<br />
I'd never watched American news before although I did have a large number of judgmental and prejudiced ideas about what form and style it might take. These ideas turned out to be entirely correct (or I wouldn't have admitted to them just now) and I ended up watching it for amusement purposes*.<br />
<br />
Now, the one thing I couldn't get all superior of was the provincial nature of the news, rarely was anything outside of the US covered. That's pretty much the same for our news here**, unless of course some British people happen to have been on holiday during the time that whatever news was occurring first occurred.<br />
<br />
But since those days we now have rolling news on all channels, with those little tickers rolling along the bottom. The problem is often not much is happening so you end up with loads of coverage of a man outside a door and endlessly repeating himself.<br />
<br />
Now I like the idea of endless grinding repetition, after all after a while it does start to get interesting*** but I can't bear to watch more than 1/2hr of news at any one time. Maybe that should be my next milestone.<br />
<br />
<i>* The best thing I was watched on CNN was their coverage of Lady Di's funeral. For some reason their insistence on referring to the M1 as simply "M1" really grated,</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>** Local news is amazing for this. When I grew up, the local news was inane to an astonishing degree, usually featuring a farmer in Wiltshire who was upset about something. When I moved to London, I assumed the local news would be packed full of excitement but it fact it was just as bad although for "farmer" substitute "teacher" and for "Wiltshire" substitute "Willesden".</i><br />
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<i>*** Zen innit. Or something. God, I've clearly been reading too much David Foster Wallace, far too many footnotes.</i>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-19683512225245772272012-11-08T19:08:00.003+00:002012-11-08T19:08:39.324+00:00Amazing Comment<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi03gMHWRpnvf_JM3iCr1aC8OQVbDIgFGb0PyxNdqESNPKj4TeJMBZi3SLkyu0LT1paPYm4TkGHE6XHilxjfiRvrdVmP36QlgtK9tF7Xwpl7_Zley5eIj1ykrvyMh8hIeVfQm3X_OuFyIiW/s1600/Geoffrey+Munn+Appreciation+Society++Introduction-185713.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi03gMHWRpnvf_JM3iCr1aC8OQVbDIgFGb0PyxNdqESNPKj4TeJMBZi3SLkyu0LT1paPYm4TkGHE6XHilxjfiRvrdVmP36QlgtK9tF7Xwpl7_Zley5eIj1ykrvyMh8hIeVfQm3X_OuFyIiW/s320/Geoffrey+Munn+Appreciation+Society++Introduction-185713.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Amazing Comment</td></tr>
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Maybe I should blog more often?<br />
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Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-70240018499746991182012-04-26T20:04:00.000+01:002012-04-26T20:04:17.517+01:00It's "Political Correctness Gone Mad" Gone MadThere is a <a href="http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/PoesLaw">rule, to be found on the internet</a>, which states that a parody of something extreme can commonly be mistaken for the real thing and vice versa.<br />
<br />
I had this in mind when I got a leaflet though the post advertising the forthcoming mayoral election. Now you might not know about this, as it isn't something often discussion on the television, radio or internet but apparently there is this election to decide who is going to be the next elected Mayor of London.<br />
<br />
You may find it hard to believe but I find elections quite interesting as a whole. The last general election, with the whole <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BCufiTe-p4o">activating the queen</a>, and tracking a car driving from one house to another live from a helicopter was a case in point. I'd even watch coverage of a US election, on the grounds that it will certainly affect what goes on elsewhere, even if it is as incomprehensible to me as American football.<br />
<br />
But the mayoral election isn't very interesting at all. In fact the most interesting thing is that the candidates drew lots to decide what order they were going to appear in the booklet.<br />
<br />
The big three candidates are exactly the same ones as last time, looking slightly older, world-wearier as their visage appears next to colourful backgrounds, lists, and all the rigmarole of politics.<br />
<br />
Given the mainstream guys are so boring, one can't help but find oneself reading up on the fringe guys, who together make up about 7% of the vote together (it's hard to tell with all of this 2nd preference stuff)<br />
<br />
I can't remember if I just imagined it, but I'm sure someone promoted the idea that if a parking meter was broken you could park for free, prompting some wag to point out you could just kick in the nearest parking meter every time you parked.<br />
<br />
I suppose if you're a fringe candidate you can just make up any old shit, secure in the knowledge it won't matter so I'm interested in UKIP's "20 minutes free parking" idea. I can only assume they will be building car parks down to the mantle.<br />
<br />
But it's the BNP who baffled me beyond all rational comprehension this time, so I am assuming under the law mentioned above, must have been replaced by some satirical organisation hell-bent on ridiculing the far right.<br />
<br />
I mean for crying out loud their candidate is called <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-17629854">Carlos Cortiglia</a>. My first assumption was that he was born here to parents from foreign, but no, he is actually from foreign! And a non-English speaking foreign too. Oh apparently Uruguay was built on British ideals. Didn't the Spanish nick it from some natives? Not much Britain there.<br />
<br />
Okay, he is white, but still. Does that somewhat defeat the point?<br />
<br />
Still I think he wins some kind of chutzpah* for introducing a policy to make tube travel free at weekends, whilst simultaneously abolishing the congestion charge. Nice one!<br />
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<i>* Sorry I think that's a foreign word. I should be using traditional British languages like Welsh or Norse really.</i>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-12486655750507806512012-04-11T17:51:00.000+01:002012-04-11T17:51:20.606+01:00I Have Forgiven GolfI have always tried to be a snob and a reverse snob in equal measure, in the hope that somehow this will cancel each other out and I will become a well-rounded person.<br />
<br />
Of course it doesn't work like that, however much you hope, just like trying to know a little bit about everything ends up with massive gaps and a tendency to be glib.<br />
<br />
It is the same with sport. I wouldn't say I have no interest in sport, but I don't really know what's going on and when those inevitable blokey football conversations I flounder* terribly.<br />
<br />
But like my previous decision not to miss out on books just because <a href="http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/327560.Little_Tales_of_Misogyny">the author may or may not be a misogynist prick</a> if it was a good one, I have decided not to dismiss sports because they're for "poshos" or that they serve imperialism or whatever.<br />
<br />
And golf is just darts outdoors with sticks really. But I won't be donning a Pringle jumper or whatever it is that they wear these days.<br />
<br />
<i>* Although nothing will top the moment last Sunday when I referred to Arsenal midfielder <a href="http://www.goal.com/en-gb/people/spain/10530/mikel-arteta">Mikel Arteta</a> first as "<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Borrowers">Arriety</a>" and then <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alouette_%28song%29">"Aloutte"</a> in front of my dad and uncle, who were both desparate to know the latest news from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emirates_Stadium">Ashburton Grove</a> whilst we were in a pub with limited signal.</i>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-17296064227459532702012-03-20T18:09:00.000+00:002012-03-20T18:09:24.524+00:00Have A Nice DayIt is a bit of a stretch to say it, but it is generally true: every job I have done has been in the vague field of "customer service". This can take many forms, but I'm using it in the sense of "the general public may well contact me and try and get me to do things for them". Luckily, for the most part I have been snugly insulated from them by being in an office they won't be going in to. Another plus point is that the main focus of the job is not this: I'm not sat there literally all day answering the phone. I would not like that.<br />
<br />
(I will remember to my dying day, the work colleague who sat opposite me becoming increasingly irritated by a phone call she had recieved, rolling her eyes throughout, eventually putting the phone down and muttering "cunt breath". I always get paranoid that if I try that, I will somehow not put the phone down correctly and will get busted, which generally isn't good, even if some people claim they find a bit of "<a href="http://www.zagat.com/r/wong-kei-london-united-kingdom?full_content=true">Wong Kei</a>" style rudeness refreshing)<br />
<br />
I like to think that because of this I can, without being too much of a patronising idiot, see it from the other side if that's where I am. I write excellent complaint letters for example, I was delighted to discover recently.<br />
<br />
But I bet those hapless people who have to deal with me think the same of me as I think of the people who I have to deal with.<br />
<br />
In conclusion, everyone who has worked in customer service has had sentiments similar to this song going round their head at some point. Hooray for Brecht!<br />
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<br />Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-2296041827918603572012-02-28T20:05:00.002+00:002012-02-28T20:05:55.825+00:00Ewige Blumenkraft!I remember when I was younger being quite disappointed when I realised the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Space_Race">space race</a> was about asserting military supremecy, not about the wonders of human exploration.<br />
<br />
I did, however think I myself that not everyone who was involved thought like that, and there had been some pretty nice side effects, so I don't mind at all.<br />
<br />
In a simialar vein I often find myself getting quite excited about various odd groups and movements, only to realise that they are paid up members of the <a href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2011/jan/30/victoria-coren-homophobia-hate-mail">green ink brigade</a>.<br />
<br />
It was via this excellent <a href="http://legalbizzle.wordpress.com/2012/02/26/occupy-woo-street/">blog post</a> that I first learnt of the "<a href="http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Freeman_on_the_land">freemen on the land</a>" movement. <br />
<br />
Now I had heard the term on the <a href="http://forum.davidicke.com/forumdisplay.php?f=60">David Icke forum</a>, which I nearly joined before I realised that probably wouldn't be as amusing long term as it was on first glance, but I had no idea what it meant. It seemed to be nothing lengthy letters in fake legalese. Interestingly, even there most people seem to think it's rubbish.<br />
<br />
The whole thing seems like an exercise in anarchy but with forgetting to abolish the state first. Much as they would like, you can't just wish the state away. <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monopoly_on_violence">State monolopy on violence</a>, anyone?<br />
<br />
I can agree the debt repayment companies are sometimes underhand and decietful and our current system of government can lead to disinfranchment but guys, come on!<br />
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And if they were genuine freedom fighters, I might have a bit of a soft spot for them. But it all seems to be people trying to get out of <a href="http://www.eveningnews24.co.uk/news/norfolk_tax_dodger_arrested_after_writing_to_queen_1_745681">paying their council tax</a> or <a href="http://www.irishtimes.com/newspaper/ireland/2011/0811/1224302232246.html">motoring offences</a>. There's no Sacco and <a href="http://law2.umkc.edu/faculty/projects/ftrials/saccov/saccov.htm">Vanzetti</a> style "your false god"/"man was wolf to the man" stuff. There's no amusing <a href="http://principiadiscordia.com/">Discordian</a> pranking. They're not the <a href="http://www.spartacus.schoolnet.co.uk/STUwinstanley.htm">true Levellers</a>. They're just mercentile reactionary pricks. <br />
<br />Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-46718547125925451742012-01-29T19:42:00.002+00:002012-01-29T19:42:21.227+00:00NoiseA <a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16649957">recent article in the BBC magazine</a> talks about unwanted noise, mentioning car horns, beeping machines and the like.<br />
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
The French intellectual Jacques Attali, in his book Noise: The Political
Economy of Music, maintains that, even if the sounds are attractive, it
is the monotony of repetition - introduced with mechanical musical
reproduction - that takes the pleasure out of listening.</blockquote>
I don't know about you, but I like the sound of mechnical musical reproduction. It kind of makes me think of something like this.<br />
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Disappointingly, the article does not mention the <a href="http://www.italianfuturism.org/manifestos/foundingmanifesto/">Italian Futurists</a>, who might be scary and fascistic if they didn't come across as being more than slightly ludicrous:<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
We will sing of great crowds excited by work, by pleasure, and by riot;
we will sing of the multicolored, polyphonic tides of revolution in the
modern capitals; we will sing of the vibrant nightly fervor of arsenals
and shipyards blazing with violent electric moons; greedy railway
stations that devour smoke-plumed serpents; factories hung on clouds by
the crooked lines of their smoke; bridges that stride the rivers like
giant gymnasts, flashing in the sun with a glitter of knives;
adventurous steamers that sniff the horizon; deep-chested locomotives
whose wheels paw the tracks like the hooves of enormous steel horses
bridled by tubing; and the sleek flight of planes whose propellers
chatter in the wind like banners and seem to cheer like an enthusiastic
crowd.</blockquote>
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Erm... okay guys.<br />
<br />
A thing I have noticed since obtaining a pair of noise-cancelling headphones is that your sense of space when walking about is affected. I kind of like that too, although it does take a bit of getting used to.<br />
<br />
I think the best thing to do if affected by noise is to stick some of those earphones in and listen to something with a lots of "frequencies". Something like this, perhaps?<br />
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<br />Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-21602688745147681132012-01-15T17:29:00.000+00:002012-01-15T17:29:15.981+00:00Hello My Name Is Twilight And I Am A DraculaI invented a new game recently. Sometimes, for my own amusements I like to get things wrong, adding "the" and pluralising where it is not necessary. I am probably the only person who finds this amusing, but nevetheless I feel the need to take it to the next level.<br />
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There is brief amusement in confusing fictional characters and the authors who created them or the actors who portray them, but I want to go further than that.<br />
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<a href="http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/CowboyBebopClip.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://static.tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pub/images/CowboyBebopClip.jpg" /></a></div>
I want to confuse characters or catchphrases with titles. It's the only way forward.<br />
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In its most basic form, you can start by assuming the name of the band is the name of the singer.<br />
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You know that guy, Jethro Tull? Plays the flute?</blockquote>
<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUDpc04r_QM">Which one's Pink</a>? </blockquote>
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This is just the beginning though. Taken to extremes, you can apply it to any media.<br />
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<br />Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1026990485025647579.post-3474639620745281362012-01-02T17:52:00.000+00:002012-01-02T17:52:25.845+00:00Introduction<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Television, like all of the arts,
thrives on familiar formats. If something new becomes successful,
then you won't be able to move for the next few months, or ever
years, for soulless rip-offs. Some of these, of course, trascend
their origin and become excellent in their own right. I like it when
this happens. I like being proved wrong when I've been cynical,
though not too often of course. Then it gets boring.</div>
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My favourite thing I've noticed a lot
on television recently, although I don't know if this is thing that
has actually become more prevalent in recent years, or if it is just
my imagination, is a noticeable increase in what I refer to as the Enthusiastic Man</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The classic home of an Enthusiastic Man is one of those television shows which has several presenters,
all of whom do their own little section within the programme, adding
up to a glorious whole – well that is the plan. Like a lot of
things, if you get bored with one section, fear not, there will be
something else along in a minute to take away the pain.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I should make one thing clear here at
this point, the Enthusiastic Man is always a man. I'm not
saying that woman cannot display enthusiasm when presenting a
television programme, just that the traits of the Enthusiastic Man are, male in the stereotypical fashion. The
stereotypical ways women presenters are used on television is a whole
different thing, and not something I am going to go into detail about
now.
</div>
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Perhaps if the Enthusiastic Man
were allowed to break free from his allotted slot, and front an
entire television show, we might become irritated by him*, perhaps he is
better utilised in moderation, like swearing and binge drinking. This
is obviously the thinking behind having him in small chunks on the
programme, the programme makers obviously feel that he would outstay
his welcome if he was there any longer.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
The Enthusiastic Man finds beauty
in things that are not normally considered beautiful, but also
additional beauty in things that are, his presence and enthusiasm
adding a whole new layer of appreciation. This is why I like him.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
I would like more excitable about
things. I do get excited about things fairly often, but I do tend to
get rather self-conscious about it. I would not make a good Enthusiastic Man. My arms do not flail around freely but remain
boxed in near to my body. I am the textbook “bad actor”, my
heartbreaking and hilarious one-man show will not be touring any
provincial theatres ever.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
This blog is named in tribute to my
favourite of all the enthusiastic men, King Enthusiastic Man, if you
will, is <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geoffrey_Munn">Geoffrey Munn</a>, jewellery expert on the Antiques Roadshow.</div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00g16c9">Watch this clip from the BBC website, to see what I mean. </a></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
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<div style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>* I think a
lot of people find Enthusiastic Man irritating even in his
limited time on the programme, but each to their own.</i></span></div>Billyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11158459069493765198noreply@blogger.com2